I’m finally returning to a sense of health again after a good few weeks feeling desperately weak and unwell with bronchitis. There were a few times when I seemed to be on the mend only to slip back into the grip of the illness, which at the time I found deeply frustrating. Everyday tasks were proving too much for me, and any possibility of getting out walking in nature were doomed to failure.
It’s been a bit of a long road back – longer than the timescales involved would indicate; yet it has also been a time of increasing awareness of certain things. It’s said that the only thing that stays constant is that everything changes, and that’s certainly true of the world around me; but it’s also true of me, and these past few weeks have let to a pause in my normal routines and allowed a deeper introspection on who I am and where i am headed in a spiritual sense.
I’ve entitled this blog entry ‘recovery’ because that’s exactly where I am at the moment. A quick Google reveals the definition of recovery as:
noun: recovery; plural noun: recoveries
a return to a normal state of health, mind, or strength.
synonyms: recuperation, convalescence, return to health, process of getting better, rehabilitation, healing, rallying
improvement, rallying, picking up, betterment, amelioration;
rally, upturn, upswing, comeback, revival, renewal, a turn for the better
the action or process of regaining possession or control of something stolen or lost.
synonyms: retrieval, regaining, repossession, getting back, recapture, reclamation, recouping, retaking, redemption; More
Physically my recovery is most certainly a return to a normal state of health, but on a deeper level my experiences over the past few weeks have led me to realise I’m on a journey related to the second definition as well. I am in the ‘process of regaining possession of something stolen or lost.’
Exactly what that is I can’t yet say, because it is still a process – ongoing as I write – that relates to some deep insights that came to me while I was unwell. There is something to be said for the way the mind seems open to deeper understandings and insights when access to our subconscious, or unconscious, is freed by illness. It’s not the first time I’ve had such experiences, but I feel there is something deep and profound happening following recent events. I need to explore pathways that I may have been avoiding (consciously or unconsciously), exploring more deeply a need to understand deity, the divine, or whatever word we may choose to describe something that is, in my experience, indescribable – something that is almost within reach yet never quite attainable, whether called God, or god or the gods, or Goddess, or simply Nature.
I’m probably not making much sense; but I do know I need to make changes, to release blocks and remove distractions and focus on what is important. Where those decisions and choices lead only time will tell.